


If Not For You My Sky Would Fall

by acklesaway



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, M/M, Post Season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-14
Updated: 2011-06-14
Packaged: 2017-10-20 09:51:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/211475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acklesaway/pseuds/acklesaway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel shows up at Lisa’s months after the apocalypse. Dean is less than thrilled.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Not For You My Sky Would Fall

  


>   
> _Who sleepwalks through your dreams into walls_   
> 

  


The first time Dean sees Cas after the apocalypse, it's in a dream. They don't say anything and then again they don't have to. Dean sits in a chair and silently laughs to himself when Cas accidentally walks into a wall before he takes a seat next to him. Some things never change.

 

  


>   
> _Is standing in the clothes that you once wore_   
> 

  


The next time happens in real time. When Dean opens the door to the impala he looks down at Cas who is sitting still in jeans and a t-shirt that Dean's wore more times than he can count. He doesn't embark on it. Doesn't mention how Dean wears a suit now. Just gets what he came for and walks away.

 

  


>   
> _Oh even that couldn't make me go back_   
> 

  


"Why are you here?" Dean asks one night when Lisa and Ben are asleep. Cas had been there for a few days and has not left yet. He ignores the question.

"Heaven isn't what it used to be for me."

Dean sneers at him. "What, is Paradise not good enough for you?"

Cas sighs and closes his eyes. "They could return every brother I've lost and it's still not enough to keep me there."

 

  


>   
> _Well my baby went to Illinois with some bad talking boy she could destroy_   
> 

  


Jimmy is with his family back in Pontiac. Apparently. Dean doesn't understand how they cloned him but Heaven usually does things that Dean doesn't understand.

 

  


>   
> _When you got nothing you got nothing to lose_   
> 

  


"I don’t know why you're here, Cas. There's nothing here for you," he lies. Cas just closes his eyes again and he really needs to stop doing that.

"Then I have nothing to lose by being here."

 

  


>   
> _Remind him what he used to be when he comes walking through_   
> 

  


"I wasn't aware you angels had so much free time on your hands." Cas takes a deep breath but doesn't disappear. That's a first. Dean still walks away. He's still an angel and nothing is going to change that.

 

****************

 

  


>   
> _Tell me we aren't worse off than they think we are_   
> 

  


Castiel fixes Dean's tie just before he goes to work one day. "They tell me you love her. They tell me I'm wasting my time," he doesn't say anything else as he watches Dean go to work. His eyes say something else. His eyes say 'tell me they're wrong'

 

  


>   
> _You were my first love and you will be my last_   
> 

  


"I've never loved another before you," and all Dean heard was "And I will never after."

 

  


>   
> _I believe in you even though I be outnumbered_   
> 

  


"You'll do the right thing," Cas promises with conviction. "You'll fix us. I believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself." Always one with the inspirational speeches, that Castiel.

 

  


>   
> _He's the property of Jesus_   
> 

  


Dean knows it's a sin to covet, but it's probably magnified by tenfold when you covet from Jesus.

 

  


>   
> _The one road we traveled would ever shatter and break_   
> 

  


It won't work. Dean belongs on Earth and Cas belongs in Heaven.

 

> _When I think of the love that I left behind_

"I wish you never left."

Cas sighs. "I wish you asked me to stay.

 

> _I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours_

Cas releases his fingers off of Dean's forehead and Dean can't breathe. His own dreams don't make sense but Cas'? Dean isn't really surprised that Cas dreams of Dean.

 

  


>   
> _You belong to someone else...I do too_   
> 

  


Dean closes his eyes and wills Cas to just leave him alone. "You...you belong to God, alright? And I belong with Lisa. We just need to stay with them, alright?" He doesn't open eyes to look into Cas'. He knows they will contradict everything he just said.

 

  


>   
> _I know you're going to change your mind_   
> 

  


It was like Cas was waiting for him. Waiting for him to change his mind.

"I know you, Dean. I know you will," he promises almost every single day. Dean doesn't want to prove him right.

 

****************

 

  


>   
> _I still remember the way you smiled_   
> 

  


Some days it's easy to fall back into how things were. Other days...

Dean smiles at Cas and it makes Cas frown. "That's not how you used to smile."

 

> _I didn't mean to make you sad_

When Dean tells Cas that he doesn't love him, he loves Lisa, Cas doesn't smile for a week. It's the longest week in Dean's life. He only smiles when Dean apologizes the best he can by saying "I'm a damn good liar if I do say so myself."

 

> _So it's fare thee well to my own true love_

"I don't believe in a lot of things but I believe in us. But I know there's not a happy ending in our story."

"You still have such little faith."

 

  


>   
> _We'll meet another day, another time_   
> 

  


Before Dean leaves for work Cas slips a piece of paper into his pocket. The note burns a hole in his pocket all day. "I could wait for you," it reads and honestly? Dean doesn't know if he has enough will power to wait.

 

  


>   
> _This place ain't doing me good. I'm in the wrong town_   
> 

  


"As long as you're happy," were the words for Dean to finally admit that he missed Cas and this wasn't for him. He wasn't supposed to be here. Cas' smile was answer enough

 

> _The Holy Kiss that's supposed to last for an eternity_

There's a build up. Of course there is. They wait for years and when the Kiss finally happens Dean hears Lisa calling his name faintly in the wind. Cas sighs and disappears, leaving Dean standing alone in his yard.

 

> _Cause he doesn't tell you jokes or fairy tales say he has no style_

One day Dean asks Cas to tell him a story.

"There once was a man who had to make a choice. He knows what the right one is but he always chooses the wrong one. A fairy grants him the chance to make his decision again and again until he makes himself happy. He goes through eternity unhappy because he always chooses to make someone else happy instead of himself."

Dean frowns until Cas kisses it off his face.

 

> _I'm so sick of love; I wish I never met you_

Lisa doesn't feel the same. When you kiss an angel, nothing else feels the same. He was happy once. He was happy with her and now he can't remember anything but Cas. He misses normalcy and sometimes he wishes he never met Cas at all.

Those nights his dreams feel pretty empty.

 

  


>   
> _But she reminded me that you were the one_   
> 

  


Dean takes a breath. He forgets how fast Ben was. Cas appears before his eyes, kisses him and disappears before Ben pops up screaming "Found you!"

He wishes they didn't waste so much time but luckily they did because Lisa made Dean realize what he was missing.

 

> _But my true love who's bound to stay behind_

Cas tells him stories with happy endings, sad endings, and occasionally ambiguous endings. But the fact of the matter is in their story they both know that Dean has to stay behind.

 

  


>   
> _Please don't talk about tomorrow_   
> 

  


He doesn't know where Cas takes them to; all he knows is that it's not Lisa's. He knows that it has to end and they'll end up saying goodbye, soon. But Cas just looks at him and he doesn't want to think about tomorrow. If he had his way, tomorrow would never come.

 

  


>   
> _...and I said goodbye forever_   
> 

  


The next day Cas kisses Dean one last time and flutters off to be the angel that They both know he is. He knows that would be the last time he ever sees Cas again.

 

> _And in my heart I felt an aching pain_

Dean wakes up in a cold sweat but Cas is still laying next to him. It was just a dream, he tells himself. He still hurts like Cas is already gone and he knows he can't do that. Not again.

 

> _And they rode off together_

They sat in the Impala, not going anywhere. Yet. Dean is looking out onto the open road and Cas is looking at him. "Are you sure Dean?" He asks and Dean's only answer is his foot on the gas pedal.

 

  


>   
> _You took a part of me I really miss_   
> 

  


"I miss it. I want it back," Cas had yelled at him when he first came back all those months ago. Dean didn't know what he was talking about at the time but he got it as they traveled down the road. Cas missed who he was when he was around Dean. Dean missed it, too.

 

  


>   
> _When I see you, it's like I never had a thought_   
> 

  


Everyday Dean wakes up to the same pair of blue eyes. The same mussled hair and the same pair of lips that smile down at him. It's like they were never separated at all.

 

  


>   
> _end_   
> 

  



End file.
